A month of white noise, and a lifetime of changes

A month of white noise, and a lifetime of changes

November 16, 2018 4 By Shan Ellis Williams

It’s funny when someone just stops blogging. The ardent reader is left with a multitude of unanswered questions, actual worries if the blogger is OK. Because really, the speculative peekers of my life don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. So I hope today to firstly, apologise for disappearing and secondly, tell you a little story about why. You see, everything changes. Changes can be good. Where to start this story, I’m not quite sure, but I guess the very beginning would help the flow, eh?

Blogtober was all planned out. There was nothing going to get in my way. Nothing. Not even a biblical type flood. I’d build a boat, the hamsters could power the internet. Sorted. But life has a way of throwing those little curve balls at us constantly. And I’ve learnt the hard way it doesn’t take a lot to throw me off my own writing, to offer my skills to others. It’s this annoying thing about me, everyone ELSE always comes first.

In the middle of October, I started working for Canolfan Y Fron, a lottery funded community project in the wilds of Snowdonia. The million pound project was my old primary school, and I really couldn’t say no to such an exciting project. Really don’t think I expected how many hours work I needed to invest in getting the job done. But that’s my bad.

Getting a relatively sleepy community to wake up is hard. The nature of isolated people who have lost their community, their local shop, post office, even church and then school is a Herculean task to wake them up. Queue the changes again. How do you enthuse people who feel forgotten? People who rallied together to save their community only to be smacked down and told they are not worthy.

Sixty plus hours a week of hard work, by all the staff of the Ganolfan is making a difference, but the change will be slow, I’m hoping the thaw will eventually come.

It’s changed my family dynamic, because my partner has also changed jobs, I’m working three and childcare has become an issue, plus the fact we’re never home.  G is in childcare twice a week, and I don’t like it but that’s what we have to deal with. Trying to even the scales has been difficult. Quality time, has to be put on a pedestal and worshipped as a strange but rare all powerful god.

One more factor is health. Touch wood I’ve been ok. I’ve written before that my life is sometimes paused by Chronic illness. Anyone who knows me personally can vouch for the fact that I’m not one to sit still for amount of time gloating on my woes. But I sought help for pain relief from my doctor, and he told me that I had to start the diagnostic journey again. Between the hospital and the GP information had not been passed on, or lost. So back for more tests. And no answers.

Whilst I still test positive for Rheumatoid factor it is not high enough to cause the joint pain, swelling or damage that RA normally causes. So the walking on broken glass sensation beneath my feet and the numbness in my feet and hands is something else. All my doctor can offer is Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (or ME). Everyone has different symptoms and remedies for this. I’ve had so much advice my brain is completely in hyperdrive.

To add to the mix, something I haven’t written about, and won’t touch upon too much here is my mum isn’t very well. She hasn’t been for around a year. And this has also been playing on my mind. Even more so after yesterday, but I felt I needed to get this little post out there because you know what, this post is pretty positive.

Whilst I was invisible and white noise-y, some wonderful person decided to nominate me for a UK blog award. Now I know I haven’t got an hope in hell of even making the shortlist, because I run a blog that I’ve neglected badly for a month, and my followers may think I’ve dropped off the face of the earth. Plus the people nominated along side me are wonderful, established bloggers whom I’ve read with tears in my eyes a number of times recently!

Life is weird. It’s gritty, and sometimes you have to fight for your place in this world. Things are thrown at you, you don’t think are fair. But if you lie down and let yourself be trampled, that’s exactly what will happen. You are here for  reason, find your place, make your mark and keep a smile on your face whatever happens.

I just wanted to say thank you. In my own way, and apologise to those who love my little home from home here for being quiet. I know you understand. I know you understand life and all the changes it brings. And I know you also understand from time to time I need to rant. And here is my place to do that. So thanks for sticking with Mam Rants. Things can only get better!

Life changes, honesty post, true life

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