I’m BALD! My first day post Brave The Shave for Macmillan
Yesterday was a bit of a blur. I’m sitting here after just putting G to bed, having my evening cup of tea, Ellis has just come in from football training and Cara is scream singing upstairs to Ariana Grande. It’s surreal. I worked my first shift at work today. Bald. I was also humbled to be handed money in the form of donations from some kind souls who come into the shop on a regular basis who asked after my hair. I occasionally reach up to twiddle with a strand, but I forget that it’s gone. It’s something I do when I’m nervous, or lost in thought. Wind my hair around and around my finger whilst chewing my lip. But it’s not there. Today reality has hit. I shaved my hair off yesterday. I have literally a millimetre of hair on my head. I’m bald.
I won’t lie. I talked myself through the live yesterday high on pure adrenaline. You can watch the recording on my Facebook page here if you wish. Give my page a cheeky little like too because I’m trying to build the page a bit! It is quite funny to be fair, but I can’t actually remember much of it! My children can’t stop touching my head. Random strangers have tried to touch my head today which I find quite disconcerting. Would you touch a bald man’s bonce? No. So why make a beeline for me. I’m usually quite friendly, but you never tried to run your fingers through my hair when it was 16 inches long. So why now?
My mother refuses to look at me. My father is immeasurably proud. But my mum’s reaction was I could have done anything else for charity, why did I decide to shave my hair? To be fair I’m quite proud of myself for raising money, raising awareness, talking about it openly, but my mother’s reaction has opened some old wounds.
I will say now, just to clarify, I do not regret a single strand of hair lost. There are people out there through no fault of their own battling against a terrible disease called Cancer losing their hair TO GET BETTER. My vanity pales in comparison to these heroes. I have always believed that if I could help a person in need, or people in distress, that the wheel turns. Who knows I may need help myself one day. It costs nothing to be kind.
Macmillan provide support through every stage, be it counselling, hands on caring, even advice from day one.
Day one of feeling the wind on my scalp
The first thing to hit me wasn’t the cool breeze, but the strength of the sun on my head. I could feel heat radiation on my scalp, which hasn’t seen the sun for many, many years! Just another gentle reminder how sensitive babies heads must be in the sunshine. I was shocked to see how dark my hair really was. It used to be a dark blonde, but I’m left with a chestnutty brown which is much darker than the hair I remember before hair dye (and I’ve dyed a LOT!).
The second thing that was immediately apparent was that my bald patches were still thin. I didn’t lose my hair going through treatment in 2010. It came out in patches, and those patches are totally visible after the cut. Just another reminder that I am a warrior. I’d kind of got used to short hair. Just after Christmas my fair measured sixteen inches. I could sit on it. It was wavy, thick, gorgeous. A lady on Facebook joked that she would love to have it for a wig as she was undergoing her first round of treatment around then. From there a friendship was born and in May, I did just that. Donated my hair for her to feel fabulous during her second round of treatment which starts next month. You can read that story here.
So, I gave myself a bit of a makeover in May. But this feeling that I wanted to do much more was almost overwhelming. I had said that I was going to do this a few years ago. But I’m so glad I gave myself the step change, from very long, to short, to very short. I think my brain would have imploded with shock if I’d have gone from long to shaved in one foul swoop.
I was a little worried to how people would react. I’m not going to lie. At work I see tens, maybe a hundred people in one shift, and to be fair, it’s been more curiosity than animosity. You feel more exposed having very little hair, and I think you need an element of inner confidence to wear your hair this short. The overwhelming feeling however has been a humbling and overwhelming pride that I made a difference. It may be a very small difference in the great scheme of things, but I did that.
My boyfriend loved it. I am my daughters hero. My middle son thinks I’m mad but brave, and my little one loves tickling mum’s egghead. My dad called me heroic too. And as my hero, it’s a big deal coming from him.
I had a little moment post shave, and again this morning looking for my amazing Body Shop BB cream which just makes my skin glow, where maybe I welled up a bit. But my hair will grow back. For some others it won’t. And that’s the reason that I remind myself that this was the right thing to do. I did it for that reason. To help people battling get the help they deserve and that makes me happy.
It’s going to take a while to get used to, but I’m one of the lucky ones my hair will grow back. Today’s @bravetheshave for @macmillancancer has been totally humbling. Every single penny you donate goes to help someone who really needs support. I’m proud of myself. I’ll link my donate page in my bio if you can spare even a pound. It will make a difference. Watch the live on my Facebook it’s very funny! #macmillancancersupport #cancersucks #bravetheshave #kickcancersbutt #kickcancersass
Braving the Shave
I set a target of £200 in donations, and thus far the total stands at £235 online donations and £70 cash donations which I will bank tomorrow. I’m totally humbled. Totally. The page is open for another two weeks and you can still donate if you wish by clicking here.
This will be the last post on this subject, as I am already thinking what I can do for next year to top going bald 😀
Thank you so much to everyone who donated, cancer has obviously touched so many of us in our lifetimes and I am only one little person. If we all get together, we can change the world. One step at a time.
Thanks for reading!
Keep your eyes open for a very special giveaway on this page tomorrow night to celebrate three whole months of blogging! Can’t wait I’m so excited!